Erma Bombeck quotes

Erma Bombeck, a renowned American humorist and author, left an indelible mark on the world with her witty and relatable observations on everyday life. Born in 1927, Erma’s writing career skyrocketed in the 1960s when she began penning humorous columns for newspapers, captivating readers with her clever insights. With her trademark self-deprecating humor, Bombeck addressed the joys and tribulations of marriage, motherhood, and the pursuit of the elusive work-life balance. Her writing resonated deeply with audiences, as she fearlessly tackled universal experiences that many could relate to. Erma Bombeck’s exceptional talent for finding laughter in the mundane made her a household name and led to the publication of numerous bestselling books, such as "The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank" and "If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?" Recognized as a beacon of hope and comic relief, Bombeck’s lasting legacy continues to touch the hearts of readers worldwide. Her unique ability to highlight the humorous side of life serves as a reminder to cherish the simple moments, even amidst the chaos of daily routines. Erma Bombeck’s timeless humor has carved a special place in literary history, making her an icon for generations to come.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

- Erma Bombeck

Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.

- Erma Bombeck

Skiing? I do not participate in any sport that has ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

- Erma Bombeck

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

- Erma Bombeck

One thing they never tell you about child-raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.

- Erma Bombeck

Next to a hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.

- Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

- Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?

- Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

- Erma Bombeck

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

- Erma Bombeck

Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.

- Erma Bombeck

If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.

- Erma Bombeck

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

- Erma Bombeck

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.

- Erma Bombeck

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

- Erma Bombeck

Housework can kill you if done right.

- Erma Bombeck

He who laughs… lasts.

- Erma Bombeck

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, What light? and two more to say, I didn’t turn it on.

- Erma Bombeck

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.

- Erma Bombeck

Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.

- Erma Bombeck

Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

- Erma Bombeck

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.

- Erma Bombeck

An advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.

- Erma Bombeck

A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.

- Erma Bombeck

Anything you buy will be in the sale next week.

- Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three American football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

- Erma Bombeck

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

- Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

- Erma Bombeck

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

- Erma Bombeck

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

- Erma Bombeck